Opinion

27 Reasons Why Vladimir Putin Definitely Won The Russian Presidential Election

I know this post is a little out of date, but this is all because originally I didn’t want to post anything on the topic. However, I recently encountered this hilarious post on Buzzfeed.com, and have decided to reblog it. Now many of you probably don’t know this, but I am actually Russian by nationality, and was therefore entitled to vote in this year’s presidential elections. I dutifully trudged along to the Russian Consulate on the glorious day that was Sunday, 4th March to cast my (probably meaningless) vote. [Which candidate I voted for is now very irrelevant, so I will not go into details about this here.]

I wasn’t surprised when Putin won the election, although I was a little surprised when I found out he won by a whopping 64% of the popular vote. Regardless, the reblogged content below will fill you in on why Putin truly does deserve his presidency back [Ed. sarcasm implied]. For 6 years now, instead of 4.

27 Reasons Why Vladimir Putin Definitely Won The Russian Presidential Election

A lot of people are saying that Vladimir Putin tampered with the results or somehow unfairly won the Russian presidency. Well, this should set the record straight.

1. He takes Tic-Tac-Toe very seriously

2. He’ll arm-wrestle you – anytime, anywhere

3.  He understands your horse’s problems

4. He knows how to hug a dog

5. He pioneered shirt-less Ping Pong

6. His favourite pastime is beating up children

7. Everytime he walks away from something, you expect it to blow up

8. He can clean your teeth

9. He loves to play dress-up with George Bush

10. He cares about his fans

11. He knows what your bird is going through

12. He doesn’t care about your fears

13. He’ll make you a new mug

14. He’s constantly surprised

15. He dresses to impress

16. He’s best friends with Michael Flately and Jean-Claude Van Damme

17. He loves it when you listen to his hearbeat

18. He also pioneered shirtless fishing

19. He isn’t afraid to let you know what he thinks

20. He’s a friend of the ocean

21. He WILL pile-drive you

22. He might be the bad guy from ‘The Matrix’

23. He’s stronger than you – even with a dog watching

24. He’ll nurse you back to health

25. He doesn’t care about your dumb meeting

26. He’ll whisper sweet nothings to you

27. THIS.